Animal Crackers

When you were a kid, did you ever eat those animal crackers that come in a Barnum's circus themed box? Nabisco makes them. Those things are the shit.

I always felt guilty for dismembering the animals though. Where do you bite first? Legs? Head, so it's quick? All of it in one go? Except that's a pretty big bite for a little kid. And what if you made it a little game so that the animals were talking to each other? It's more fun, but that also totally makes it worse when you devour them. They were your friends, who gave you amusement before sacrificing themselves to you. It's like you're playing God:

Monkey: Oh, hello Hippo!

Hippo: Oh, hello Monkey! How's your husband Lion these days?

Monkey: He's all right. Had a bad cold, but what can you do? I love him so much, he's my one true love. We're so happy together.

Hippo: Well I hope he feels better soon. You two are such a beautiful couple, an inspiration to us all.

Monkey: Oh, thanks Hippo! I'm sure you'll find love someday.

Hippo: I hope so, Monkey, I really- BLOODY HELL, WHERE DID THAT HAND COME FROM?!?

Monkey: It's the Hand of God! It's coming for me!

Hippo: Monkey, this is truly an honor! I will tell the other animals of your great virtue!

Monkey: I am ready for my fate! Tell Lion I love him! AHHHHH MY LEG! IT'S BEEN BITTEN OFF! OHHH THE PAIN IS WORSE THAN I COULD HAVE IMAGINED!!!!

Hippo: Truly you are a martyr of our People! The tale of your suffering will be passed down from generation to generation!


Monkey: AAAUGHHH NO NOT MY TAIL! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL TAIL!! OHHHH IT HURTS SO MUCH FUCK FUCK FUCK


Hippo: Think of the everlasting glory you will obtain through this sacrifice to our- OH! Oh no, your poor head! The mouth of God...your poor dear head, and it was just snapped clean off just like that! Oh, how horrible! My friend...my best friend...slaughtered like a common cookie.


*runs off sobbing*


~~

See, now look what you've done. A whole community submitted to shocking violence and mindless slaughter, all because you wanted a snack. Well, I hope you're happy.

You people make me sick.