All-American Boys and Girls: Double Standards in America

As many of you have probably noticed, American culture still has not been able to escape the neo-Victorian double standards of the 1950s. We've been trying for a while, and we have made great leaps and bounds in this process, but it seems like there are subconscious expectations for our genders that we have not been able to move past. Now, I love being a lady, and I enjoy being feminine in the classical sense sometimes- lace, ruffles, pretty dresses, makeup, etc. And I enjoy when my boyfriend is chivalrous and shows off his muscles. I'm not going to pretend that I don't partake of and enjoy certain established gender roles. But they should be optional. Just because I like wearing pretty dresses and makeup sometimes, I don't want to be expected to wear that stuff all the time- only when I feel like it. And I like to hold doors for other people regardless of gender, just like I appreciate it when other people hold doors open for me- regardless of their gender. People who get offended by that give true feminism a bad rap- it may have been sexist at one time, but in this day and age it's just a common courtesy that both genders perform. I like to consider myself a feminist. NOT a feminine superiorist- that's bullshit. Feminism is about equal opportunity between the sexes, not dominance of one over the other. The sexes are different, and that is just fine. I think it's a good thing, because it keeps things interesting. There is a lot of grey area, though, and we shouldn't chastise people for not fitting into cultural stereotypes of behavior as long as they are not causing harm to others. If a woman fits more tendencies of traditional masculinity than traditional femininity, or a man fits more tendencies of traditional femininity than traditional masculinity, that should be okay. Likewise, it should be okay if people fit more tendencies of more traditional gender roles. Really, as long as it's the result of a personal choice, and it makes someone happy, and no one is being harmed- it shouldn't matter.

I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. But sometimes, I feel this subconscious pressure that I'm doing something bad. Friends of mine of both genders have experienced this negative pressure not to enjoy harmless things that they enjoy for the same reason. I think it's often tied to sex and relationships- will she still be attracted to me if I confess to enjoying romantic comedies? Will he still be attracted to me if he sees me eating a double bacon cheeseburger and fries? This seems dumb and contradictory; a lot of women would find it *more* attractive if a guy likes romantic comedies, and a lot of men would find it *more* attractive that a woman eats what she wants. Some people wouldn't find that stuff attractive, but you know what? You don't have to date them. It's a lot easier to say you don't care what people think, than to actually ignore what they think, but it's good to make the attempt. As long as you're not being rude when you're in a delicate situation, try not to worry about it. That being said, please please PLEASE chew with your mouth closed, because in any situation chewing with your mouth open is just gross.

This is all being written from a heterosexual perspective; honestly, I don't feel like I'm really qualified to speak for the LGBT community about this stuff. I assume that for most LGBT people it's more or less the same as it is for breeders, but there's a lot of politics and subcultures tied in that I just don't know enough about, even though I've read about the politics and subcultures and have LGBT friends.

Anyway, here's a list of some things that it seems like men and women aren't "supposed" to enjoy or participate in, according to our cultural subconscious:

Women

• Sex
• Manual labor
• Food Eating- unless it's chocolate or salad
• Beer and whiskey
• "Bro" humor- dirty jokes, outlandish pranks, etc.
• Polyamory/casual dating/non-monogamous relationships

Men

• Romance and romantic comedies
• Salad, brunch, tea
• Fruity cocktails
• Flowers
• Being a stay-at-home parent
• Monogamous relationships

I realize that a lot of people *don't* enjoy the things on this list, and that's totally cool. I don't have a problem with that. If you're a guy, and you really like sports and hate fruity cocktails, that's fine by me. If you're a lady who hates it when guys want to talk about their feelings all the time, that's okay. It's all a matter of personal preference. I just have a problem with people who do enjoy these things feeling like they're not allowed to willfully participate in it. Our culture still has a lot of double-standards, and that's just not right. There are even triple-standards now, because we're human and had to make life even more complicated. It used to be the case that a woman *had* to be a house-mom; she had no other options. Thanks to the feminist movement, many women can have a career instead of *or* alongside a marriage. But if a woman *wants* to be a house-mom, some people consider that bad because it's giving in to chauvinist expectations. However, there are still parts of the country where women don't have the option of seeking out a professional career, which is bad. I think that part of gender equality is that men and women both should be able to choose whether they want to be a breadwinner or a stay-at-home parent, and as long as it's a healthy and equal relationship, it shouldn't matter.

Anyway, that's my two cents gender-wise. It seems like these observations are slowly becoming less and less true of society, and I hope that that continues to be the case.